Wedding Telegrams

1. Dear John. Congratulations on your big day. we will always remember you and the place won't be the same without you. From the girls at Showgirls.

2. Dear Jane. Best of luck with marrying Jason. We have tried him in every position and he was terrible. Hopefully you have better luck. From the 1st 11 Football team.

3. May your love be as endless as...

4. May the best day of your past be the worst day of your future

5. Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart.
-- Marcus Aurelius

6. Marriage is not a ritual or an end. It is a long, intricate, intimate dance together and nothing matters more than your own sense of balance and your choice of partner.
-- Amy Bloom

7. One survey found that ten percent of Americans thought Joan of Arc was Noah's wife....
-- Robert Boynton

8. Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone.
-- Anthony Burgess

9. If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
-- Johnny Carson

10. Better to have loved a short man than never to have loved a tall.
-- David Chambless

11. The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing -- and then marry him.
-- Cher

12. An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her.
-- Agatha Christie

13. The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.
-- Jilly Cooper

14. Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.
-- Irwin Corey

15. Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.
-- Joan Crawford

16. A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway.
-- Fr. Jerome Cummings

17. Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven't been able to find anybody who'll take what I have to give.
-- Cass Daley

18. Never go to bed angry. Stay up and fight

19. It is with true love as it is with ghosts; everyone talks about it, but few have seen it.

20. Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.

21. A man is already 1/2 way in love when he finds a woman who will listen to him

22. Men talk to woman so they can sleep with them, and woman sleep with men so they can talk to them

23. A hard man is good to find

24. It's not the man in your life that counts, it's the life in your man

25. If there had been 3 wise woman instead of 3 wise men, they'd have asked for directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, and bought disposable diapers as gifts

26. I've been reading up on the differences between men and woman. I read, the rules, the mars and Venus books, the secret, dating for dummies, and here's the real difference: Woman buy the books

27. Woman want to be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted, and sometimes, just to be held. Men just want tickets for the cup final.

28. The best way to get your husband to do anything is to suggest that he is too old to do it

29. If you think woman are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets over to your side

30. Choosing a woman is like choosing a car - we all want a Ferrari, sometimes a pick-up, but all end up with a station wagon

31. Men say the most important thing in a woman is a sense of humour. That means he's looking for someone to laugh at his jokes

32. Remember. If you smoke after sex, it means you're doing it too fast