The Complete Best Man Speech Solution

WRITE YOUR OWN UNIQUE BEST MAN SPEECH AND LEARN HOW TO DELIVER IT MASTERFULLY

Do you want to create your own unique best man speech and need some help to pull your ideas together in a logical speech with the polish of a toastmaster? Write a masterful best man speech that will entertain the audience without running the risk of offending anyone in less than 60 minutes.

Now before I get started, I’d like to make sure everybody can hear me….can you all hear me? For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Brent and for those of you that do …
well I apologise.
Firstly I would like to welcome you to this special celebration of John and Jane Marriage. Now Before I hand you over to the father of the bride I would just like to say a big “Thank you” to the bridesmaids.__________________ , flower girls ___________________ and page boy __________________ because they have all done a marvellous job in helping Jane, and look so fantastic!

Indeed they are only eclipsed by Jane herself, who, I’m sure you’ll all agree, looks absolutely stunning today. John, on the other hand, just looks stunned.
Actually the Ushers look great today and did a great job standing at the door I do have a reputation for rabbiting on, so I will try and keep this as brief as possible. There’s been a lot of cards and well wishes from many friends that couldn’t be here today. I’ll read out a few of them now:

To Steve and Lindsey I’m Sorry I could not marry u myself so I got one of my mate s to do it, but best wishes on your special Day ….From the Pope. Congratulations on your special day we will miss u. From the fantasy lounge xxx Before we go any further, I’d like to thank the Vicar for what was a truly lovely service…..
John did tell me that the vicar was firmly against sex before marriage. However, Jane did assure him it would only take a couple of minutes. Before I begin Jane would u place your right hand on the table, John would u place your left on top of Jane. All will be reviled in good time. I can confirm to you all that last night he slept like a baby………that is he wet the bed twice………..and woke up several times crying for his MUMMY! I have never been a best man before, and I am not renowned for my speech writing, but I’ll
try my best. Because John said if I do a good job today, I can be Best Man at his next wedding, too.

The only problem we’ve seen so far is that John and Jane had a bit of an issue with the seating plan, because they really couldn’t decide where ever I should sit. So John, in his true fashion, decided to link it to the wedding present list. He decided to put those who brought the biggest items nearest the front, and work back from there……………So [pick out someone from the back of the wedding] [pause and look around at the back for that person] John and Jane wanted to say thanks for the coasters!
Now as I mentioned, it is a great honour to be Best Man, but with the role comes the job of writing this speech, and to be honest I wanted to make the process as easy as possible. So where do you begin for ideas? The obvious place seemed to be the Internet, so with a multitude of resources at my fingertips I dutifully began searching the web. After a couple of hours searching I found some really good stuff, but ….then I remembered I was supposed to be looking for Best Man tips!

I did actually find loads of ready‐prepared speeches on the internet…. but sadly, none of them were about a couple called John and Jane ….so it looks like it’s down to me after all. As part of my research I discovered that according to tradition I am supposed to sing the grooms praises and tell you all about his many good points. Well, I’m very sorry but I can’t sing, and I won’t lie. Jane’s a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Thank God you married her before she found one! Seriously though John, you are a lucky man you’ve got Jane. She’s beautiful, smart, funny, warm, loving and caring. And Jane, you’ve got..…………John. Instead of stories you will have to listen to my martial advice. I’m not sure I’m the best person to dish out advice! But I do have the following words of wisdom for the happy couple.

1. Firstly, set the ground rules and establish who the boss is: Then do everything she says
2. Married life can be compared to football. So be fully committed every week and makesure you score at least once every weekend. Make sure you change ends at half time. Putyour tackle into it hard or you might injure yourself. However, Jane assures me that playingaway from home, will result in a serious groin injury and is definitely the quickest way to getyourself on the transfer list.
3. Remember the 5 rings. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, the suffering, the
   torturing and the enduring
4. Don’t forget if u buy her flowers, she knows your guilty, and she will remember to the
   second the very last time you bought her some …

It has been an honour and a privilege to be the best man today. Thanks again for letting me have the job! And honestly, I couldn’t wish for a better friend to be best man for. I think you will all agree that today John truly is the best man and apart from Jane being the most stunning person in the room, she is also the luckiest. Now it gives me great Pleasure to ask you all raise your glasses for some very important people, without them the day would not be the same, would raise your glasses in my toast… to The bar staff!!

Now in case any of u are wondering why I asked John to place his hand on Jane. I will tell u now, John as my final role, it is with great pleasure that I have been able to give you the last 5 minutes in which you will ever have the upper hand on Jane. May your love be modern enough to service the times and old  fashioned enough to last forever.
If you would all be up standing in my toast To the new Mr and Mrs Smith
Jane and John

The Complete Best Man Speech Solution

WRITE YOUR OWN UNIQUE BEST MAN SPEECH AND LEARN HOW TO DELIVER IT MASTERFULLY

Do you want to create your own unique best man speech and need some help to pull your ideas together in a logical speech with the polish of a toastmaster? Write a masterful best man speech that will entertain the audience without running the risk of offending anyone in less than 60 minutes.

A wise man once told me that a best man’s speech should last only as long as it takes the
groom to make love………so thank you ladies and gentlemen and good afternoon. [Sit down,
wait a second & then continue]
Hello, my name is Brent, can everybody hear me okay at the back? If so, I’ll have a Pint of
Seventy Shilling, thank you. I’m very honoured to be doing this job and in time honoured
Best Man tradition I will now do my best to give John the most uncomfortable 10 minutes of
his life. Which, to be fair, is what he gives Jane every‐time they go to bed.
Rest assured though, unlike most traditional best man speeches, which are full of sexual
innuendo, I’ve promised Jane and Jane that if there is anything slightly risqué, I’ll whip it out
immediately …

But first things first, it is my pleasure and privilege to respond on behalf of the bridesmaids.
And on their behalf I’d like to thank John for his kind words and gifts. I have to say that they
both look wonderful and have done an excellent job today. I would also like to thank the
Ushers who have been a great help in ensuring that the day has run as smoothly as possible.
I’m sure you will all agree that Jane is looking absolutely stunning, and Andy, well you just
look absolutely stunned.
Don’t worry my speech won’t take too long today, because of my throat. Jane has
threatened to cut it if I go on for too long. And John has threatened to cut it if I mention
anything about the stag weekend in Dublin.
John was born in ______________ [Grooms D.O.B], and I had a quick look on the Internet to see
what other events took place that year.___________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
_________[events that took place in the year the Groom was born]. But the main event of____________ [Grooms
D.O.B] was the birth of the world’s first test tube baby, and isn’t he looking well ladies and
gentlemen?
Also, during my research on the internet I also looked into weddings in general, I looked at
the three key elements of the wedding service itself: ‐
The Aisle ‐ it’s the longest walk you’ll ever take
The Alter ‐ the place where two become one
The Hymn ‐ the celebration of marriage
I think Jane must have done the same research as I did, because as she was walking past
me, I’m sure I heard her whisper Aisle…altar…hymn, aisle altar hymn. “I’ll alter him”
[Little known story about the Groom]
Now, I was there the night John met his beautiful new bride. John and myself were in a
certain nightclub down at the beach and it was quite late on in the evening when John
noticed the object of his desire. A vision of beauty: with eyes that sparkled, a warm smile, a
firm bosom and a great pair of legs. So John approached his target and enquired, “May I
have the next dance?” But sadly I turned him down so he went off and danced with Jane
instead.
I’ve come to the conclusion that Best Man is just a fancy title for a Nanny!
As the Nanny I’ve had to ensure that the groom arrives on time, is sober, and looking good.
Well 2 out of 3 isn’t bad. After all, I’m the best man, not a plastic surgeon!
During the service today, I couldn’t help thinking that it’s funny how history repeats itself. I
mean, _______________________[Brides age here] years ago Jane family were sending her to
bed with a dummy and it’s happening again today.
As you have found out by now, a best man’s speech involves a collection of amusing stories
about the groom’s past. Although there are a couple of things that are really not supposed
to be mentioned at weddings, but I shall mention them anyway: ‐
First of all, John drink problem – well the main problem is that he can’t handle his drink.
Mind you his new wife and sister‐in‐law will be able to give him some good training.
And secondly, John ex‐girlfriends – I was warned about the potentially delicate duty of
keeping John Ex’s at bay today. But fortunately Foot and Mouth got rid of most of them two
years ago so no worries there.
So John and Jane you’ve finally got married, for better or for worse, which is quite
appropriate as John couldn’t have done any better and Jane couldn’t have done any worse.
Now what are these you ask yourselves – well they’re John Chastity pants. [Hold up boxer
shorts & padlock] John has been making him wear these for the past four years keeping his
crown jewels securely under lock and key. She thought that only one key had been made.
But rumour has it that copies were made of this key by John & he has been giving these keys
out to various ladies over the past few years without Jane knowing. If anyone out there has
any of these keys could we please have them back in now as John is married and
completely out of bounds to any girl but Jane. [Wait for keys to come back in] You dark
horse Andy! Here’s the rest I collected from over in [Your Country].
Speaking of___________________________ [Your Country]. Unfortunately I am not at liberty to
mention anything about the stag weekend, other than to say that the entertainment was
ravishing.
Jane, can I ask you to place your right hand on the table. John, can you place your right hand
on top of Jane right hand. Jane can you place your left hand on top and John can you place
your left hand on top of that. Make the most of it John, it’s the last time you are going to
have the upper hand.
So to finish, can I say best of luck to you both I really am absolutely delighted for both of
you. I hope you have a long and happy future together. And thank you John, it’s been an
honour to be your best man, and I look forward to speaking at your golden wedding
celebrations in________________ [50 years from now].
It now gives me immense pleasure to invite you all to stand and raise your glasses in a toast
to the New Mr & Mrs Smith.
To the happiness, health, wealth and good fortune of the happy couple.

The Complete Best Man Speech Solution

WRITE YOUR OWN UNIQUE BEST MAN SPEECH AND LEARN HOW TO DELIVER IT MASTERFULLY

Do you want to create your own unique best man speech and need some help to pull your ideas together in a logical speech with the polish of a toastmaster? Write a masterful best man speech that will entertain the audience without running the risk of offending anyone in less than 60 minutes.

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, I hope everyone is enjoying this very special day so far. It’s been an emotional day, ……..even the cake is in tiers. I would like to start by thanking John for his kind words on behalf of our lovely bridesmaids [Bridesmaids Names here]. I’m sure you will agree they have carried out their role superbly, I would also like to thank the ushers…… for at turning up sober.

I think you will all agree Jane looks one in a million today. And John you look smashing also. Even though it’s plainly obvious that you’ve copied my outfit. For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Brent. And I have the honour of being best man. And it is a great honour, but in all honesty I am actually a little nervous doing this, but I feel a bit comforted by the fact I have actually rehearsed this speech in front of a live audience at the local old people’s home, … I think it went well, they all pissed themselves anyway.

I’d also like to congratulate John on a truly magnificent speech, I always knew it would be hard to follow, and I was right, I could hardly follow a word of it. During the service today I couldn’t help thinking its funny how history repeats itself, I meanit was [Brides age here] years ago __________________________[Brides parents names here] were sending their daughter to bed with a dummy………and it’s happening all over again today. I have known John for ___________________[how long known Groom] years, he has always loved sport especially football, from an early age it was obvious he was a natural defender, he loved to get stuck in. It’s a shame he hasn’t carried that over to his working life, John work mates have started calling him god at work because they never see him, ….and if he ever does any work it’s a miracle.

Now John has always taken great pride in his appearance, some people have even said he is vain, I never believed this, until the morning we got to the airport to fly off for his stag weekend, he seemed to have a glow about him, all the boys were asking him if he had been using tanning lotion? John denied it profusely. After another pint and a lot of abuse he tried to fob us off with the excuse that he was in such a rush when he got up, that in his haste he had mistakenly put Jane moisturiser on which had tanning in it, sufficed to say he was set upon then until he finally admitted that he bought the stuff himself. I just don’t know how he thought he would get away with it, it was snowing for the whole week before.

I thought I had better find out some interesting events that happened on the day he was hatched. He was born on the _____________ [Grooms D.O.B] which was a Sunday, number one in the charts was Elvis with ‘way down’, now the only other event I found of any importance in this month was the introduction of free family planning. Now I wouldn’t say John was an ugly baby, but _________________________[Grooms Mums name] only had morning sickness after he was born. He was a slightly slow starter as well, at playschool he was different from the other 5 year olds, he was 11. I remember one day sitting in pizza hut, when the waiter asked if he would like his pizza cut into 4 or 8 pieces, John reply was . . . . “You better make it because I’ll never manage 8.” We have always been close, when we were young we would always be playing something driving our respective parents mad, I remember when Ghostbusters the film was at the cinema, we would be upstairs at _____________________ [Grooms parents names here] with all the lights out jumping around like a couple of lunatics pretending to be catching ghosts, our equipment for this was a school backpack and a wire coat hanger each. Well I have a present,……….something you can play with later.…………….. One of my last duties before I toast the happy couple is to read a few cards…… To John and Jane, hope you have a wonderful day, sorry we can’t be there lots of love…___________________ [friends name here] I would like to say best of luck to the two of you , I really am absolutely delighted for both of you. I hope you have a long and happy future together.

It now gives me immense pleasure, not to mention relief to invite you all to stand and raise your glasses to the new Mr & Mrs _____________________[Grooms last Name].. To John and Jan

The Complete Best Man Speech Solution

WRITE YOUR OWN UNIQUE BEST MAN SPEECH AND LEARN HOW TO DELIVER IT MASTERFULLY

Do you want to create your own unique best man speech and need some help to pull your ideas together in a logical speech with the polish of a toastmaster? Write a masterful best man speech that will entertain the audience without running the risk of offending anyone in less than 60 minutes.

When John asked me to be Best Man, I honestly felt very honoured. And in typical Brent fashion for avoiding responsibility, I succumbed to saying to him that I felt that the role may be better suited to one of the other guys. A couple of days later, John phoned me and admitted that I was in fact the best of a bad bunch. I was understandably a little offended at this and I told him that I was certainly not a man that could be bought. So to avoid confrontation, he offered to pay for my suit, hotel room, and offer as much food and wine that I could swallow.

So ladies and gentlemen, good afternoon. My name is Brent and it is my absolute pleasure, and honour to be the Best Man today. According to protocol, my first speech duty is to ensure certain people are thanked for their part in the wedding day. I’d like to start with a couple of people, who quite frankly have had it fairly easy today. All they have really had to do is stand around pouting and looking pretty. But it is worth saying that that they have spent a lot of time on their hair, make‐up and outfits…and without them, the day just wouldn’t have been complete. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Ushers, _______________________[ushers names here]. Next, on behalf of the Bridesmaids, I would like to thank John for his kind words and gift. ______________________________________[Bridesmaids names here], you both look wonderful and have done an excellent job today. I’m sure you’ll be the subject of much unwanted attentions before the night is through. I’d like to apologise in advance.

Best Mans speech tradition now dictates that I should recount stories about John which are not only informative to the audience, but also may cause John a little discomfort. This part of my speech preparation was surprisingly easy, and John friends and family have been falling over themselves to furnish me with useful information. So, without further ado, I have a collection of wonderful stories to recount to you today. My first story is entitled…

The Seating Plan You will probably not be aware that John & Jane had great trouble over the seating plan. Fortunately, Bren gave the room layout some serious thought and took the weight of the decision away from Jane as any supportive partner should do. What Jane doesn’t know is that John decided the seating according to present cost, so the more expensive the present, the closer the person would be seated to the front. So I hope you at the back heard John when he thanked you for the tea spoons during his speech! My next story title is…

The Relationship Guru. Having known John for [number of years you’ve known Groom] years, some of you may know that I have been a huge support to him in his quest to find the right woman. In fact, John often referred to me as his ‘Relationship Guru’. I have to say that due to my expertise in the area of relationships, John has remained single for many of the [number of years known the Groom] years that we have been friends, and for that, I would like to apologise to you John. You see, during those years that John and I shared…as single, attractive and wealthy men…we knew things were getting bad when our married friends started to treat us like a couple! The extent of this can be truly demonstrated by the fact that we are very proud parents to…___________________________________[choose an animal or other relationship here. Like God parents]

My next story title is… John Special Relationships’ He’s not had it all bad. He had a relationship beautiful relationship with Stella, which sadly ended soon after he met Jane. Stella Artois has delivered many entertaining evenings for myself, and the lads, when out on the town with John. Over the years, it is fair to say that John has proven himself as a skilful drinker. I think I can only recall two occasions when he has actually spilled a drink… On the first occasion, he claimed that the spillage was only due to the fact that he was wearing cowboy boots on a wet dance floor. The amount of Stella in his system was not cited as one of the factors in his beer spillage. On the second occasion, we were in Windsor when John found himself having trouble multitasking…that is ‘standing’ whilst ‘holding a pint’. As a solution, he decided to lean up against the door frame of the Bar so he could take his mind off his balance and focus on the pint. Sadly, he then fell asleep…standing up…with pint in hand. Amazed at this feat of drinking prowess, he soon drew quite a crowd, and bets were being placed as to when the pint would leave his sleeping hand. Predictably, the beer spillage eventually took place as the pint came crashing to the floor. John immediately awoke from his slumber, surrounded by his admiring fans, and pretended that he knew nothing about the where the pint had come from, or who had smashed the glass.

My next story title is… John the Sports Man’ Briefly moving away from the subject of alcohol, for those that truly know John, and as Jane has discovered, John is an avid sports man. To demonstrate the extent of this, I’d like to first ask the room if there are any Simpson’s fans here today?… OK, you will therefore appreciate the effort and dedication involved in the correct planning of a lounge environment, where physical movement is minimised when watching Sports on television. In fact, those of you that have been lucky enough to have stayed with John Parents, _______________________ [Grooms parents names here], will realise that John skill in lounge planning has been learned from his dedicated Sports Watching Father. Jane, I am sure you appreciate that you are a very lucky woman.

And finally, my last story is entitled… John and Travel’ John adores travel. This is demonstrated by the incredible holidays John and I used to take regularly during our single years. For those that don’t know about this, the holidays were based entirely on a pair of John old, and somewhat worn out boots. During one evening of good food and wine, our creative brains came together, and the boots became ‘The Boots of Destiny’. It is on one particular journey with these infamous boots that the power of the John snore really first came to my attention. During our Silver Boot Challenge, we had arrived on the __________________________ [location of a trip made together]. As the light went out, the first snore began. Initially thinking he was joking, I was horrified to find that he was indeed asleep. Fortunately the room was small enough for me to kick him without having to get out of bed…and really, that’s how I spent the rest of the night. Jane, you may of course not have been aware of the John Snore, so I do apologise for breaking the news to you on your wedding day.

In fact, I’m afraid I have some more bad news for you. Just before the speeches started, I received news that your holiday company have cancelled your honeymoon. It seems the airline heard about John snore, and didn’t want to risk upsetting passengers on such a long flight. Now, coming towards the end of my speech, it is customary for me to offer the happy couple some words of wisdom. So… To Jane… Remember that men are like a fine wine… They start out like grapes… And it is your job to stamp on them in the dark until they turn into something you would like to have dinner with. To John… By coincidence, women too are like a fine wine… They start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind… And then they turn full bodied with age, and eventually give you a splitting headache! Now we just have a couple of Telegrams that have arrived…

Dear John, congratulations on getting married, and also on winning our big spender of the month award! Lots of love from the dancers at Angels Gentleman’s Club. John, Best of luck on your wedding day, and have a wonderful honeymoon. Sorry I cannot be there for your big day. But I’ll never forget you, or the great night that we had. Sadly, I now must return to my Russian homeland. Lots of love Anna from the Stag night.

On a serious note for a moment… John, we’ve had some excellent times together over the years, and I know we will continue to do so in the future. You have been a fantastic friend to me…much better than the other lads…and it really is a great honour to be your Best Man today. I wish you and Jane every happiness for the future… And on that note, ladies and gentlemen, could I ask you to stand with me, and raise your glasses in a toast to John and Jane, the new Mr & Mrs Smith We wish you well for the future

The Complete Best Man Speech Solution

WRITE YOUR OWN UNIQUE BEST MAN SPEECH AND LEARN HOW TO DELIVER IT MASTERFULLY

Do you want to create your own unique best man speech and need some help to pull your ideas together in a logical speech with the polish of a toastmaster? Write a masterful best man speech that will entertain the audience without running the risk of offending anyone in less than 60 minutes.

When John asked me to be Best Man, I honestly felt very honoured. And in typical Brent fashion for avoiding responsibility, I succumbed to saying to him that I felt that the role may be better suited to one of the other guys. A couple of days later, John phoned me and admitted that I was in fact the best of a bad bunch. I was understandably a little offended at this and I told him that I was certainly not a man that could be bought. So to avoid confrontation, he offered to pay for my suit, hotel room, and offer as much food and wine that I could swallow.

So ladies and gentlemen, good afternoon. My name is Brent and it is my absolute pleasure, and honour to be the Best Man today. According to protocol, my first speech duty is to ensure certain people are thanked for their part in the wedding day. I’d like to start with a couple of people, who quite frankly have had it fairly easy today. All they have really had to do is stand around pouting and looking pretty. But it is worth saying that that they have spent a lot of time on their hair, make‐up and outfits…and without them, the day just wouldn’t have been complete. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Ushers, _______________________[ushers names here]. Next, on behalf of the Bridesmaids, I would like to thank John for his kind words and gift. ______________________________________[Bridesmaids names here], you both look wonderful and have done an excellent job today. I’m sure you’ll be the subject of much unwanted attentions before the night is through. I’d like to apologise in advance.

Best Mans speech tradition now dictates that I should recount stories about John which are not only informative to the audience, but also may cause John a little discomfort. This part of my speech preparation was surprisingly easy, and John friends and family have been falling over themselves to furnish me with useful information. So, without further ado, I have a collection of wonderful stories to recount to you today. My first story is entitled…

The Seating Plan You will probably not be aware that John & Jane had great trouble over the seating plan. Fortunately, Bren gave the room layout some serious thought and took the weight of the decision away from Jane as any supportive partner should do. What Jane doesn’t know is that John decided the seating according to present cost, so the more expensive the present, the closer the person would be seated to the front. So I hope you at the back heard John when he thanked you for the tea spoons during his speech! My next story title is…

The Relationship Guru. Having known John for [number of years you’ve known Groom] years, some of you may know that I have been a huge support to him in his quest to find the right woman. In fact, John often referred to me as his ‘Relationship Guru’. I have to say that due to my expertise in the area of relationships, John has remained single for many of the [number of years known the Groom] years that we have been friends, and for that, I would like to apologise to you John. You see, during those years that John and I shared…as single, attractive and wealthy men…we knew things were getting bad when our married friends started to treat us like a couple! The extent of this can be truly demonstrated by the fact that we are very proud parents to…___________________________________[choose an animal or other relationship here. Like God parents]

My next story title is… John Special Relationships’ He’s not had it all bad. He had a relationship beautiful relationship with Stella, which sadly ended soon after he met Jane. Stella Artois has delivered many entertaining evenings for myself, and the lads, when out on the town with John. Over the years, it is fair to say that John has proven himself as a skilful drinker. I think I can only recall two occasions when he has actually spilled a drink… On the first occasion, he claimed that the spillage was only due to the fact that he was wearing cowboy boots on a wet dance floor. The amount of Stella in his system was not cited as one of the factors in his beer spillage. On the second occasion, we were in Windsor when John found himself having trouble multitasking…that is ‘standing’ whilst ‘holding a pint’. As a solution, he decided to lean up against the door frame of the Bar so he could take his mind off his balance and focus on the pint. Sadly, he then fell asleep…standing up…with pint in hand. Amazed at this feat of drinking prowess, he soon drew quite a crowd, and bets were being placed as to when the pint would leave his sleeping hand. Predictably, the beer spillage eventually took place as the pint came crashing to the floor. John immediately awoke from his slumber, surrounded by his admiring fans, and pretended that he knew nothing about the where the pint had come from, or who had smashed the glass.

My next story title is… John the Sports Man’ Briefly moving away from the subject of alcohol, for those that truly know John, and as Jane has discovered, John is an avid sports man. To demonstrate the extent of this, I’d like to first ask the room if there are any Simpson’s fans here today?… OK, you will therefore appreciate the effort and dedication involved in the correct planning of a lounge environment, where physical movement is minimised when watching Sports on television. In fact, those of you that have been lucky enough to have stayed with John Parents, _______________________ [Grooms parents names here], will realise that John skill in lounge planning has been learned from his dedicated Sports Watching Father. Jane, I am sure you appreciate that you are a very lucky woman.

And finally, my last story is entitled… John and Travel’ John adores travel. This is demonstrated by the incredible holidays John and I used to take regularly during our single years. For those that don’t know about this, the holidays were based entirely on a pair of John old, and somewhat worn out boots. During one evening of good food and wine, our creative brains came together, and the boots became ‘The Boots of Destiny’. It is on one particular journey with these infamous boots that the power of the John snore really first came to my attention. During our Silver Boot Challenge, we had arrived on the __________________________ [location of a trip made together]. As the light went out, the first snore began. Initially thinking he was joking, I was horrified to find that he was indeed asleep. Fortunately the room was small enough for me to kick him without having to get out of bed…and really, that’s how I spent the rest of the night. Jane, you may of course not have been aware of the John Snore, so I do apologise for breaking the news to you on your wedding day.

In fact, I’m afraid I have some more bad news for you. Just before the speeches started, I received news that your holiday company have cancelled your honeymoon. It seems the airline heard about John snore, and didn’t want to risk upsetting passengers on such a long flight. Now, coming towards the end of my speech, it is customary for me to offer the happy couple some words of wisdom. So… To Jane… Remember that men are like a fine wine… They start out like grapes… And it is your job to stamp on them in the dark until they turn into something you would like to have dinner with. To John… By coincidence, women too are like a fine wine… They start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind… And then they turn full bodied with age, and eventually give you a splitting headache! Now we just have a couple of Telegrams that have arrived…

Dear John, congratulations on getting married, and also on winning our big spender of the month award! Lots of love from the dancers at Angels Gentleman’s Club. John, Best of luck on your wedding day, and have a wonderful honeymoon. Sorry I cannot be there for your big day. But I’ll never forget you, or the great night that we had. Sadly, I now must return to my Russian homeland. Lots of love Anna from the Stag night.

On a serious note for a moment… John, we’ve had some excellent times together over the years, and I know we will continue to do so in the future. You have been a fantastic friend to me…much better than the other lads…and it really is a great honour to be your Best Man today. I wish you and Jane every happiness for the future… And on that note, ladies and gentlemen, could I ask you to stand with me, and raise your glasses in a toast to John and Jane, the new Mr & Mrs Smith We wish you well for the future.

The Complete Best Man Speech Solution

WRITE YOUR OWN UNIQUE BEST MAN SPEECH AND LEARN HOW TO DELIVER IT MASTERFULLY

Do you want to create your own unique best man speech and need some help to pull your ideas together in a logical speech with the polish of a toastmaster? Write a masterful best man speech that will entertain the audience without running the risk of offending anyone in less than 60 minutes.

Hi my name is Brent and John has asked me to be his best man for this wonderfu loccasion. I would like to say it is a very special honour but with it, comes the responsibility of giving the bloody speech. I would not say it is very comfortable to wear a tuxedo in a 100-degree church, which is not air-conditioned. The church ceremony I’m sure you’ll all agree was a wonderful, wonderful occasion. Maybe a little hot, but I’m glad to see so many of you have replaced your electrolytes with fuel of the alcoholic kind since the reception began.

I have known John & Jane for_________ [how many years] years. You might say John and I met by accident, but it is no accident that John met Jane.
If you know John you know he is an excellent athlete, in fact I noticed his Athletes foot right away. This was a man who had his knees and ankles shaved, for easy taping I knew this was a hard-core sports fanatic. We both share a tremendous love of Football and basketball. For many years we have had a running bet during the season as to who will score more goals or more runs which of course, I always won.
John is a ______________ [Grooms Occupation] in Sydney, and I thought_________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________[Funny or quirky aspect about grooms occupation]
John is a man who has dedicated his life to __________________[Grooms occupation] And now I’m sure will use his experience with ___________________________[what the Groom does in his occupation] in his marriage with Jane.

It is great that John found Jane He has always been looking for someone, young, dynamic, intelligent, attractive, and with good health insurance. John and Jane met_________________________ [where they meet], But I have it on good authority that John started looking for a wife on the internet. And with a multitude of resources at his fingertips, he found some really great stuff, but sadly was unable to find himself a suitable partner. That is, until I mentioned to him that the correct category to be looking should be Woman Seeking Man. I explained the way it works, send an old picture when you still had lots of hair, lie about your height and weight, and at all other times be sincere and honest. I imagine that when John & Jane met and introduced each other he said I’m John and she said “I need a Diamond” So John said, sure let’s pick one out. Jane is a Diamond. Mike is a gem; I think together they make beautiful jewellery.

No Marriage would be complete without some brotherly advice to help set you on your way… So I canvassed the room and got some really good stuff for you!

1. Love honour and cherish each other, and don’t forget to take out the garbage
2. Your wife is always right
3. Just in case she is not right, refer back to #2
4. Always, yes always, notice every new hairstyle or dress
5. Do something nice for each other every single day.
6. If she asks if something makes her look fat the answer is categorically NO
7. Flowers are always a good Idea, even if you are not in trouble
8. There is really nothing better than a good foot rub or massage
9. Your wife is more important than sports. I guess. Even the cup final

It is a great joy for me to see John and Jane so happy. You learn things when you get older. Hmmm I mean more mature. You make betterdecisions, isn’t it great that two people would entwine and commit to each other for life. Love; isn’t that what it is all about? We are here to celebrate that glorious event and this ceremony is all about letting the world know how much John and Jane’s love for each other is a reflection of one’s own soul in another’s. Anyway it is time to celebrate the Joyous and unbridled love that these two spectacular people will share the rest of their lives, would you please stand now and join me in a toast.

To love and laughter and happily ever after.

The Complete Best Man Speech Solution

WRITE YOUR OWN UNIQUE BEST MAN SPEECH AND LEARN HOW TO DELIVER IT MASTERFULLY

Do you want to create your own unique best man speech and need some help to pull your ideas together in a logical speech with the polish of a toastmaster? Write a masterful best man speech that will entertain the audience without running the risk of offending anyone in less than 60 minutes.

Ladies and Gentlemen.  My name is Brent, and on behalf of John and Jane, I would like to thank you for attending this blessed event today! I promise to keep my words brief, as I know we’re all here to witness the spectacle that is John dancing.

Jane and John have each walked many miles to be here together today, and this wedding is a joy to behold. I can speak for everyone in this room, when I say to you both that we wish you all the happiness that you deserve. We are so glad that you have found one another, and this day will serve as a reminder that the best years for you both are yet to come.

It’s been said that if marriage is to be a success, one should begin by marrying the right person. It’s obvious that each of you is indeed marrying the right person today. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a couple who complement each other as much as these two do. John is an intelligent, soft-spoken, organized and witty man. He is very well respected in his field of ____________________ [Grooms Occupation], and he’s just a generally all round nice guy too! Jane is a dear ___________________ [Your relationship to the bride] who has been on a spiritual journey to better herself and I would say she has had a remarkable quest. I enjoy watching Jane and John challenge each other to continuously be better.

They are very supportive of each other, and while they are fiercely competitive people, they are never competitors. They are two people with a wonderful amount of synergy and they are both a joy to know. They say that there is no surprise as magical as finding your life’s mate. You two must feel the magic, because it seems as if your happiness emanates from you on this very magical day! I really feel that I would be remiss if I did not just give you some advice.

So I asked a few of your family and friends what advice you can give Jane & John to ensure a long happy marriage. I had some great responses for you both. Primarily, though, John, they thought it best to direct the advice at you. Never go to bed angry………….always stay up and fight. Always remember the three words to end all arguments…….”You’re right dear”. Keep the lid down, and The best way to remember her birthday or your anniversary is to forget it once. Let’s raise our glasses as we toast this couple:

May you both live as long as you want, And never want as long as you live.