Third Best Man Speech

The Complete Best Man Speech Solution


Do you want to create your own unique best man speech and need some help to pull your ideas together in a logical speech with the polish of a toastmaster? Write a masterful best man speech that will entertain the audience without running the risk of offending anyone in less than 60 minutes.


When John asked me to be Best Man, I honestly felt very honoured. And in typical Brent fashion for avoiding responsibility, I succumbed to saying to him that I felt that the role may be better suited to one of the other guys. A couple of days later, John phoned me and admitted that I was in fact the best of a bad bunch. I was understandably a little offended at this and I told him that I was certainly not a man that could be bought. So to avoid confrontation, he offered to pay for my suit, hotel room, and offer as much food and wine that I could swallow.

So ladies and gentlemen, good afternoon. My name is Brent and it is my absolute pleasure, and honour to be the Best Man today. According to protocol, my first speech duty is to ensure certain people are thanked for their part in the wedding day. I’d like to start with a couple of people, who quite frankly have had it fairly easy today. All they have really had to do is stand around pouting and looking pretty. But it is worth saying that that they have spent a lot of time on their hair, make‐up and outfits…and without them, the day just wouldn’t have been complete. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Ushers, _______________________[ushers names here]. Next, on behalf of the Bridesmaids, I would like to thank John for his kind words and gift. ______________________________________[Bridesmaids names here], you both look wonderful and have done an excellent job today. I’m sure you’ll be the subject of much unwanted attentions before the night is through. I’d like to apologise in advance.

Best Mans speech tradition now dictates that I should recount stories about John which are not only informative to the audience, but also may cause John a little discomfort. This part of my speech preparation was surprisingly easy, and John friends and family have been falling over themselves to furnish me with useful information. So, without further ado, I have a collection of wonderful stories to recount to you today. My first story is entitled…

The Seating Plan You will probably not be aware that John & Jane had great trouble over the seating plan. Fortunately, Bren gave the room layout some serious thought and took the weight of the decision away from Jane as any supportive partner should do. What Jane doesn’t know is that John decided the seating according to present cost, so the more expensive the present, the closer the person would be seated to the front. So I hope you at the back heard John when he thanked you for the tea spoons during his speech! My next story title is…

The Relationship Guru. Having known John for [number of years you’ve known Groom] years, some of you may know that I have been a huge support to him in his quest to find the right woman. In fact, John often referred to me as his ‘Relationship Guru’. I have to say that due to my expertise in the area of relationships, John has remained single for many of the [number of years known the Groom] years that we have been friends, and for that, I would like to apologise to you John. You see, during those years that John and I shared…as single, attractive and wealthy men…we knew things were getting bad when our married friends started to treat us like a couple! The extent of this can be truly demonstrated by the fact that we are very proud parents to…___________________________________[choose an animal or other relationship here. Like God parents]

My next story title is… John Special Relationships’ He’s not had it all bad. He had a relationship beautiful relationship with Stella, which sadly ended soon after he met Jane. Stella Artois has delivered many entertaining evenings for myself, and the lads, when out on the town with John. Over the years, it is fair to say that John has proven himself as a skilful drinker. I think I can only recall two occasions when he has actually spilled a drink… On the first occasion, he claimed that the spillage was only due to the fact that he was wearing cowboy boots on a wet dance floor. The amount of Stella in his system was not cited as one of the factors in his beer spillage. On the second occasion, we were in Windsor when John found himself having trouble multitasking…that is ‘standing’ whilst ‘holding a pint’. As a solution, he decided to lean up against the door frame of the Bar so he could take his mind off his balance and focus on the pint. Sadly, he then fell asleep…standing up…with pint in hand. Amazed at this feat of drinking prowess, he soon drew quite a crowd, and bets were being placed as to when the pint would leave his sleeping hand. Predictably, the beer spillage eventually took place as the pint came crashing to the floor. John immediately awoke from his slumber, surrounded by his admiring fans, and pretended that he knew nothing about the where the pint had come from, or who had smashed the glass.

My next story title is… John the Sports Man’ Briefly moving away from the subject of alcohol, for those that truly know John, and as Jane has discovered, John is an avid sports man. To demonstrate the extent of this, I’d like to first ask the room if there are any Simpson’s fans here today?… OK, you will therefore appreciate the effort and dedication involved in the correct planning of a lounge environment, where physical movement is minimised when watching Sports on television. In fact, those of you that have been lucky enough to have stayed with John Parents, _______________________ [Grooms parents names here], will realise that John skill in lounge planning has been learned from his dedicated Sports Watching Father. Jane, I am sure you appreciate that you are a very lucky woman.

And finally, my last story is entitled… John and Travel’ John adores travel. This is demonstrated by the incredible holidays John and I used to take regularly during our single years. For those that don’t know about this, the holidays were based entirely on a pair of John old, and somewhat worn out boots. During one evening of good food and wine, our creative brains came together, and the boots became ‘The Boots of Destiny’. It is on one particular journey with these infamous boots that the power of the John snore really first came to my attention. During our Silver Boot Challenge, we had arrived on the __________________________ [location of a trip made together]. As the light went out, the first snore began. Initially thinking he was joking, I was horrified to find that he was indeed asleep. Fortunately the room was small enough for me to kick him without having to get out of bed…and really, that’s how I spent the rest of the night. Jane, you may of course not have been aware of the John Snore, so I do apologise for breaking the news to you on your wedding day.

In fact, I’m afraid I have some more bad news for you. Just before the speeches started, I received news that your holiday company have cancelled your honeymoon. It seems the airline heard about John snore, and didn’t want to risk upsetting passengers on such a long flight. Now, coming towards the end of my speech, it is customary for me to offer the happy couple some words of wisdom. So… To Jane… Remember that men are like a fine wine… They start out like grapes… And it is your job to stamp on them in the dark until they turn into something you would like to have dinner with. To John… By coincidence, women too are like a fine wine… They start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind… And then they turn full bodied with age, and eventually give you a splitting headache! Now we just have a couple of Telegrams that have arrived…

Dear John, congratulations on getting married, and also on winning our big spender of the month award! Lots of love from the dancers at Angels Gentleman’s Club. John, Best of luck on your wedding day, and have a wonderful honeymoon. Sorry I cannot be there for your big day. But I’ll never forget you, or the great night that we had. Sadly, I now must return to my Russian homeland. Lots of love Anna from the Stag night.

On a serious note for a moment… John, we’ve had some excellent times together over the years, and I know we will continue to do so in the future. You have been a fantastic friend to me…much better than the other lads…and it really is a great honour to be your Best Man today. I wish you and Jane every happiness for the future… And on that note, ladies and gentlemen, could I ask you to stand with me, and raise your glasses in a toast to John and Jane, the new Mr & Mrs Smith We wish you well for the future.