The Complete Best Man Speech Solution

WRITE YOUR OWN UNIQUE BEST MAN SPEECH AND LEARN HOW TO DELIVER IT MASTERFULLY

Do you want to create your own unique best man speech and need some help to pull your ideas together in a logical speech with the polish of a toastmaster? Write a masterful best man speech that will entertain the audience without running the risk of offending anyone in less than 60 minutes.

After an introduction like that, I can hardly wait to hear myself speak. It’s kind of a bugger because all of my stuff has been plagiarised. It reminds me of when JOHN and I were at school… He was always copying me. But it’s kind of fortunate really, because a wise man once told me that a best mans speech should be about as long as the groom makes love. So I think I’ve already gone over time… thank you all very much… [then sit down for a few seconds while the laughter of your audience starts to dissipate, then stand up again]… (or look at your watch, and make a comment about the time, and site down).
(stand up again)

However, it seems I’ve been given about 5 minutes or so to talk, so I’ll engage you all in a bit of pillow talk before you fall asleep. For those of you that don’t know me my name is Brent and I’ll be your best man for this evening. Allow me to begin by adding a few words of appreciation for the bridesmaids ____________________ [Bridesmaids name here] she does indeed look fantastic and is sure to be the object of much unwelcome attention this evening. I’d like to apologise in advance. And of course this leaves me to say that Jane looks absolutely incredible. And John, You’re looking pretty handsome too… even though he’s plainly copied my outfit tonight.

As I mentioned, it’s a great honour to have the role of being the best man. But with this role comes the job of writing this bloody speech. And I wanted to make it as easy as possible, so where do you begin for ideas. And the obvious place seemed to be the internet. So with a multitude of resources at my fingertips I began searching. And after a couple of hours I came across some really good stuff… Then I realised I was supposed to be looking for a best mans speech. I did actually come across some really good pre‐prepared speeches, but sadly, none of them were about a couple called John and Jane.

As part of my research I discovered that according to tradition, I’m supposed to sing the grooms praises, and tell you about his many good points. Well, for those of you that know me, you know that I can’t sing, and I’m not going to lie. So now I’ve started talking about the man himself I might as well carry on. My first encounters with John were __________________________ [PLACE OR ACTIVITY HERE]. And being the _________________________________ DESCRIBE YOUR RELATIONSHIP HERE, we (Got on well,(or) didn’t get on very well.) In fact I recall at least a couple of __________________________TYPE IN CONFLICT HERE (eg. Fights, Competitions, Debates etc…) Which naturally I won. So we spent many years doing ________________________[PLACE OR ACTIVITY HERE] … together. It wasn’t until high school that we became good mates.
Our high school years were great years, discovering beer, sports, and developing our tastes for girls. Unfortunately, that’s all I can tell you about those years, as anything I tell you about John also incriminates me.

But John has a tremendous wealth of talent and natural abilities.
_____________________________________________________NATURAL ABILITIES OR TALENTS HERE… But his talents don’t stop there… I for one am incredibly jealous about John’s,_________________________________________________
obscure or hidden talent or ability here that audience might not be aware of? In fact, I have it on good authority that it was John obscure or hidden talent ability that might have finally won over Jane heart. But seriously I’ve never seen John so happy than since he’s been with Jane. Certainly when they’re together, and even when they’re apart, it is obvious that they are truly in love with each other.

Anyway, I’m not going to keep you for too much longer, as I know we’re all here for the unforgettable spectacle that is John dancing. (assuming there’s going to be a first dance afterwards). But I do have a couple of messages… (read out emails or telegrams here)… If the groom is sporty, or belongs to a club then you can say the following……this came in from John club or team name here… dear John and Jane. We’ve been playing with John for a while now, and we’ve tried in him every position… and he’s bloody useless… hopefully you have some better luck.

Then there have been a few more words of kind words and praise that have come from some people that are here sharing in your special day. So I wrote a few of them down. John here are a few of the words that have been used to describe you… “A great friend” that was my one. Thoughtful, caring, trusting and charismatic… all very kind words… _____________________________________, Some funny features or character about the groom In fact, I barely found a person that had something bad to say… Although I did find some… When I heard… “Belligerent, lazy, stubborn and obstinate… I thought, hang on, that’s a bit rough… Maybe not entirely untrue but a bit unnecessary for my speech… But if his parents don’t know him, then who does…

Joking aside… I’m really, really honoured to be here today as John best man. I regard both John and Jane. as the type of friends that will always be there for you whenever it’s needed. And I for one regard their friendship very, very highly as I’m sure your all value their friendship too. A friends love says if you ever need something I’ll be there. True love says You’ll never need anything I’ll be there. And that’s what makes John and Jane such a great couple. They’re truly in love and always there for each other.

John you’re my oldest and dearest best friend, and it’s been an honour to be your best man today and I’d like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for affording me the privilege. You’re incredibly lucky, Jane. is a beautiful girl, with a heart of gold and deserves to have a good husband. Thank god you married her before she found one. My final duty has to be my favourite, I’d like to pose a toast to the newlyweds, so could you join me up standing … Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me immense pleasure to invite you to raise your glasses and toast to the newlyweds Mr & Mrs Smith. May your life be filled with many happy memories…

To Mr and Mrs Smith

The Complete Best Man Speech Solution

WRITE YOUR OWN UNIQUE BEST MAN SPEECH AND LEARN HOW TO DELIVER IT MASTERFULLY

Do you want to create your own unique best man speech and need some help to pull your ideas together in a logical speech with the polish of a toastmaster? Write a masterful best man speech that will entertain the audience without running the risk of offending anyone in less than 60 minutes.

I’m very nervous about making this speech. In fact this must be the fifth time today that I have stood up from a warm seat with pieces of paper in my hand. Now I did ask for a microphone but was told one wasn’t available. So if you can’t hear me at
the back, the silence from the people at the front should re‐assure you that you’re not missing out on anything.

May I start by thanking John on behalf of the Bridesmaids’, _________________________ for his kind words. I’d also like to add my own compliments to Jane, who I think you’ll agree looks absolutely stunning today! And after last night’s festivities, we haven’t done a bad job on John either, thanks to some hard work this morning from the beauticians. For those who don’t know me, my name is ‘John what‐would‐you‐like‐to‐drink’. I hope as many of you will come and say hello at the bar later – but I do insist you use my full name.

When John asked me to be his best man, I felt honoured, I felt nervous, I felt distinguished, I was privileged John, John I was petrified. It’s the first time I’ve had the been asked to be a best man, it’s the first time I’ve ever been here to the ___________________ [location of the reception], it’s the first time that John has complimented me in over ________________________ [number of years known the groom] years, but best of all it’s the first time John ever paid for dinner.

So, John, born _____________________[Grooms D.O.B], This is your life. Incidentally you were born the same day as _____________________________ [famous persons name], and the year in which we were introduced to __________________________ [famous hit song] and ______________________________________[Famous T.V or Movie]
Were any of these an influence on how John turned out? I’ll leave that up to you to decide. [explain How did you meet the Groom, and what type of person he was]

John worked hard at university and came away with his degree in _________[Grooms Degree], and many stories about student life in ________________[Grooms university of College], none of which I can include today for legal reasons.
[Little known story about the Groom]

[Little known story about the Groom #2]
I was speaking to ___________________[Grooms Father or Friend] whilst we were waiting for Jane to arrive the church this morning, and he was telling me that when John and Jane started going to his marriage preparation classes, he wasn’t always sure if Nick was really ready marriage.

There was one time when John was asked, ‘What is Jane favourite flower?’ To which he had no hesitation in replying, ‘Self Raising!’ ‘What makes a good wife?’ ‘One who helps her husband with the washing up!’ And, ‘What’s the last thing you’ll say to you wife before going to sleep?’ ‘It doesn’t matter what I say, you’ll buy it anyway’ I’ve also spoken to some of John’s work colleagues who tell me that his nickname at work is ‘The God’, its true, apparently he makes his own rules and if he does any work it’s usually a miracle. And when I asked Jane last week to describe John in one word, it took no time at all for her
to come back with an answer……..’Perfectionist’, everything has to be right, but not just right it has to be absolutely spot on…Else he starts again. So much so, that when John recently painted the living room skirting boards, it took no less than 7 coats of paint until he was happy.

And who else do you know that takes a ruler into the bathroom every morning. [Pull out ruler] Yes it’s true I’ve seen it when I used to live with him. But why would you need a rule in the bathroom? Well in John case it is to make sure his sidies are exactly the same length and cut perfectly straight………………..So ladies, if you see ever your man taking a ruler into the
bathroom in future, it isn’t because he’s a little paranoid, he’s just been taking tips from the John school of hair dressing.

[little known story about the Groom]
Now traditionally I have to offer John some advice. So, never be complacent, always keep an eye out for those little tell tale signs in your relationship……….like if you see that the milkman’s wearing your socks …Or the postman starts calling round on a Sunday. Jane you must remember, men are like fine wines, they start out as grapes and it is your job
to stamp on them until they mature into something that you would like to have after dinner. Now I have a few cards to read out from those who couldn’t make it today:

Dear John,
Thanks for the weekends lazing by the pool, I do hope you’ve made the right choice. Love Michael Barrymore.
Dear Jane, It was nice while it lasted, but I guess we’ll have to call it a day now you’re married. From Brad Pitt

So to wrap up, I’d just like to say, John, thank you for giving me the opportunity to enlighten all you family and friends here today. All that leaves me to do now is to ask you all to be upstanding and join me in wishing John and Jane all the best as they enter married life together. So please raise your glasses to:
‘THE BRIDE AND GROOM’.

The Complete Best Man Speech Solution

WRITE YOUR OWN UNIQUE BEST MAN SPEECH AND LEARN HOW TO DELIVER IT MASTERFULLY

Do you want to create your own unique best man speech and need some help to pull your ideas together in a logical speech with the polish of a toastmaster? Write a masterful best man speech that will entertain the audience without running the risk of offending anyone in less than 60 minutes.

…Fornication,… Ladies and Gentleman…
I’m terribly sorry. For an occasion like this, Ladies and Gentlemen, I think an introduction is worthwhile… for those who don’t know me, my name is Brent can I buy you a drink.‐ I hope as many of you will come and say hello at the bar later – but I do insist you use my full name.
Now, I asked around for an idea of how long my speech should last and the general response was about as long as it takes the Groom to make love. So with that in mind, thank you, you have been a wonderful audience. (sit down to applause before you get back up)

Before we carry on into the speech I think there is something you should all know about John. As you all know he is in the Navy, but what you don’t know is that Jane makes Jane wear this every time he goes over sea’s. (Produce the chastity boxers) Which Jane only has the key too? Now I have heard stories about the copies of the key. So I ask whoever has the keys to could please return them.
(This is the cue for all the women to bring their keys to the wedding party table. Try to get a couple of pregnant women in the group or maybe somebody’s grandma and a guy.)

Firstly, I would like to congratulate Jane for being such a beautiful bride, thank the bridesmaids for performing their roles so well and continuing to look so good throughout the day and for the ushers for at least turning up sober.
I was both delighted and honoured when John asked me to be best man though I must confess to being a bit nervous as I stand here before you. However my dad once gave me a tip, he said son just imagine your entire audience is naked. [Scan the audience and grimace at a few people. Turn to Brides dad]

I have tried to take the responsibility of best man very seriously indeed. I would like to share with you some of my duties I have been involved with… My first duty was to ensure John made it to the church fit and proper, on time and sober. As you can see this was achieved. To make sure this was the case, John stayed with me last night and I can assure you John was in bed early and he slept like a baby. That is he wet the bed twice and woke every hour crying for his mummy.

Another of my duties was the potentially delicate duty of keeping John ex‐girlfriends out of the way today. Thankfully this has been very easy because there aren’t that many frankly. And my last duty was to make sure the wedding goes smooth, this is why I have my pocket guide book to help me. [show book]
In my little pocket guide it mentioned three important parts of today’s service

Aisle – the longest walk you will ever take
Altar – the place where two become one
Hymn – the celebration of marriage
I think Jane must have read my book because when she was walking up the aisle I’m sure I heard her whispering, Aisle, Altar, hymn. Aisle alter hymn. I think it is now time to give you all a run down on the chap who has tied the knot today.

For those who already do know him, well, you’ve got my sympathy. I’ve known John since ____________[when you became friends], we have been best friends though and though. He was like my family’s 3rd son. He would stay overnight, play on the Nintendo, mom would cook us supper. Even my old brother made John feel part of the family after he was done beating me up he would also beat up John.
[little known story about the Groom]

But as life would have it, after high school was over, we grew apart and moved to different cities. So I decided to fly down a week early to get to know the new John and to have the Bachelor party, which under vice of our lawyer I am not a loud to speak about until the court case. But I’m glad to tell everyone that the donkey and duck are ok. While I was down I got a chance to speak to John boss. I asked his boss if would like to comment on John the employee. He was quick to tell me John is known as ‘God’ at work. Knowing John as I do, this surprised me until he explained the nickname arises because you
never see him he makes his own rules if he does any work, it’s a bloody miracle. If there’s anybody here this afternoon who feels slightly nervous and apprehensive, it’s probably because you just got married to John.

Now I must say a few words about Jane. She is beautiful, intelligent and caring, and I think she’s made a wonderful choice for her first husband. I have read some useful tips about marriage on the internet and I would like to share them.

Never go to bed on an argument…. Always stay up and argue.
Always remember the three little words…”You’re right dear”.
The best way to remember your anniversary is to forget it once.
It is important to get on with your mother in law. My friend hasn’t spoken to his for two years. Not because he doesn’t like her… he just doesn’t like to interrupt.

You will be happy to know that we are coming to the end of our speech. I can tell that everybody is having a great time here today and this is mainly down to the weeks and months of planning by John and Jane. They have done an incredible job to make this such a special day and I would like to end this on a special note:
Webster’s defines union as an agreement and conjunction of mind, spirit, will, and affections. When I think of John and Jane marriage, I think of a creation of harmony between their intelligent minds, their indelible spirits, 2 very stubborn people, and last but certainly not least their endless affections. I look forward to being a part of their lives and having them both as a part of my life for many years to come. On behalf of the entire wedding party I would like to thank you all for coming to share in this wonderful occasion. Also a very special thanks to all the parents, without you this could never have happened.

Finally a toast to the bride and groom, please will everyone raise their glasses:
May you live as long as you like and love as long as you live…

The Complete Best Man Speech Solution

WRITE YOUR OWN UNIQUE BEST MAN SPEECH AND LEARN HOW TO DELIVER IT MASTERFULLY

Do you want to create your own unique best man speech and need some help to pull your ideas together in a logical speech with the polish of a toastmaster? Write a masterful best man speech that will entertain the audience without running the risk of offending anyone in less than 60 minutes.

Leading up to today John and Jane were having an issue with the seating plan. Who would sit comfortably in here & who would have to get up and stand during the speeches so we decided to use wedding present list, biggest presents at front and work it back from there.
So hopefully you can hear me at the back when I say on behalf of Jane and John thank‐you very much for the teaspoons.
Ladies & gentleman, boys & girls my name is Brent and I am John best man today. Let me start by saying it is my privilege and pleasure to respond on behalf of the bridesmaids. I think you’ll agree they have done a great job and look fantastic & are only rightly outshone by the bride.

As for your words about me John I did warn you I would have two speeches, one for if you behaved & one for if you didn’t. I won’t be keeping you too long folks, I’ll only be issuing the second of my two speeches. I want to say a little about being best man. I feel the title “best man” says a bit too much.
The way I see it, if I am best man, what the hell is Jane doing with John. So I think I will happy just saying that I’m a pretty good man, and John can be the best man tonight Being the best man has a number of responsibilities that I take very seriously:

1. Making sure the Grooms face and hair are in impeccable order…(not an easy one making the best out of a bad situation).
2. Not losing the rings during the ceremony. And learning the Macarena for if they are lost.
3. Seeing to it that the angry ex‐girlfriends are kept away – thankfully the foot and mouth epidemic saw off most of them
4. And not revealing any of John dark & deepest secrets…well 3 out 4 isn’t bad!

John & I met many years ago through some friends that are here today and i can distinctly remember my first impressions. I thought he was cheeky, hyperactive, challenging and loud. Now that I have known him for all of [number of years you know the Groom] years I now know all of these attributes to be true. But actually, these are the attributes that depict John wonderful character. He is and so much fun to be around.
[Little known story about the groom].
[story of how the groom met the bride]

It is only credit to Jane phenomenal patience, not only for waiting for John to make the first move but also her patience in everyday life that we are all here on this special day. Eventually following some stern talking John and Brent finally got it together and to say this came as a relief to many is an understatement. Not that I am John, suggesting that any of us thought there was a problem. I mean the last person who voiced his concerns ended up in rather a lot of pain. I think I can safely say it is obvious how much in love they are with each other, and I tried to think of an example to illustrate this & of the hundreds of examples one specifically stuck in my mind.

[story of a time the Brides and Grooms love was expressed in public or through an awkward situation]
Finally when I was preparing today’s speech I thought I would conclude by summing up John in a few kind words. Struggling for inspiration I turned to some of the stag party to give me the first words that popped into their heads when they thought of John. John, time to get some new friends. However one person came up trumps…and when describing him said he was handsome, funny, thoughtful, loud, caring & best of all ginger. Those words were of course from the now new Mrs Smith…

The most precious possession that a man can have in this world is a woman’s heart, and in that, I think you’ll agree John has successfully secured the heart of Jane.
Please charge your glasses and toast to the Bride & Groom.

The Complete Best Man Speech Solution

WRITE YOUR OWN UNIQUE BEST MAN SPEECH AND LEARN HOW TO DELIVER IT MASTERFULLY

Do you want to create your own unique best man speech and need some help to pull your ideas together in a logical speech with the polish of a toastmaster? Write a masterful best man speech that will entertain the audience without running the risk of offending anyone in less than 60 minutes.

Now before I get started, I’d like to make sure everybody can hear me….can you all hear me? For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Brent and for those of you that do …
well I apologise.
Firstly I would like to welcome you to this special celebration of John and Jane Marriage. Now Before I hand you over to the father of the bride I would just like to say a big “Thank you” to the bridesmaids.__________________ , flower girls ___________________ and page boy __________________ because they have all done a marvellous job in helping Jane, and look so fantastic!

Indeed they are only eclipsed by Jane herself, who, I’m sure you’ll all agree, looks absolutely stunning today. John, on the other hand, just looks stunned.
Actually the Ushers look great today and did a great job standing at the door I do have a reputation for rabbiting on, so I will try and keep this as brief as possible. There’s been a lot of cards and well wishes from many friends that couldn’t be here today. I’ll read out a few of them now:

To Steve and Lindsey I’m Sorry I could not marry u myself so I got one of my mate s to do it, but best wishes on your special Day ….From the Pope. Congratulations on your special day we will miss u. From the fantasy lounge xxx Before we go any further, I’d like to thank the Vicar for what was a truly lovely service…..
John did tell me that the vicar was firmly against sex before marriage. However, Jane did assure him it would only take a couple of minutes. Before I begin Jane would u place your right hand on the table, John would u place your left on top of Jane. All will be reviled in good time. I can confirm to you all that last night he slept like a baby………that is he wet the bed twice………..and woke up several times crying for his MUMMY! I have never been a best man before, and I am not renowned for my speech writing, but I’ll
try my best. Because John said if I do a good job today, I can be Best Man at his next wedding, too.

The only problem we’ve seen so far is that John and Jane had a bit of an issue with the seating plan, because they really couldn’t decide where ever I should sit. So John, in his true fashion, decided to link it to the wedding present list. He decided to put those who brought the biggest items nearest the front, and work back from there……………So [pick out someone from the back of the wedding] [pause and look around at the back for that person] John and Jane wanted to say thanks for the coasters!
Now as I mentioned, it is a great honour to be Best Man, but with the role comes the job of writing this speech, and to be honest I wanted to make the process as easy as possible. So where do you begin for ideas? The obvious place seemed to be the Internet, so with a multitude of resources at my fingertips I dutifully began searching the web. After a couple of hours searching I found some really good stuff, but ….then I remembered I was supposed to be looking for Best Man tips!

I did actually find loads of ready‐prepared speeches on the internet…. but sadly, none of them were about a couple called John and Jane ….so it looks like it’s down to me after all. As part of my research I discovered that according to tradition I am supposed to sing the grooms praises and tell you all about his many good points. Well, I’m very sorry but I can’t sing, and I won’t lie. Jane’s a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Thank God you married her before she found one! Seriously though John, you are a lucky man you’ve got Jane. She’s beautiful, smart, funny, warm, loving and caring. And Jane, you’ve got..…………John. Instead of stories you will have to listen to my martial advice. I’m not sure I’m the best person to dish out advice! But I do have the following words of wisdom for the happy couple.

1. Firstly, set the ground rules and establish who the boss is: Then do everything she says
2. Married life can be compared to football. So be fully committed every week and makesure you score at least once every weekend. Make sure you change ends at half time. Putyour tackle into it hard or you might injure yourself. However, Jane assures me that playingaway from home, will result in a serious groin injury and is definitely the quickest way to getyourself on the transfer list.
3. Remember the 5 rings. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, the suffering, the
   torturing and the enduring
4. Don’t forget if u buy her flowers, she knows your guilty, and she will remember to the
   second the very last time you bought her some …

It has been an honour and a privilege to be the best man today. Thanks again for letting me have the job! And honestly, I couldn’t wish for a better friend to be best man for. I think you will all agree that today John truly is the best man and apart from Jane being the most stunning person in the room, she is also the luckiest. Now it gives me great Pleasure to ask you all raise your glasses for some very important people, without them the day would not be the same, would raise your glasses in my toast… to The bar staff!!

Now in case any of u are wondering why I asked John to place his hand on Jane. I will tell u now, John as my final role, it is with great pleasure that I have been able to give you the last 5 minutes in which you will ever have the upper hand on Jane. May your love be modern enough to service the times and old  fashioned enough to last forever.
If you would all be up standing in my toast To the new Mr and Mrs Smith
Jane and John

The Complete Best Man Speech Solution

WRITE YOUR OWN UNIQUE BEST MAN SPEECH AND LEARN HOW TO DELIVER IT MASTERFULLY

Do you want to create your own unique best man speech and need some help to pull your ideas together in a logical speech with the polish of a toastmaster? Write a masterful best man speech that will entertain the audience without running the risk of offending anyone in less than 60 minutes.

A wise man once told me that a best man’s speech should last only as long as it takes the
groom to make love………so thank you ladies and gentlemen and good afternoon. [Sit down,
wait a second & then continue]
Hello, my name is Brent, can everybody hear me okay at the back? If so, I’ll have a Pint of
Seventy Shilling, thank you. I’m very honoured to be doing this job and in time honoured
Best Man tradition I will now do my best to give John the most uncomfortable 10 minutes of
his life. Which, to be fair, is what he gives Jane every‐time they go to bed.
Rest assured though, unlike most traditional best man speeches, which are full of sexual
innuendo, I’ve promised Jane and Jane that if there is anything slightly risqué, I’ll whip it out
immediately …

But first things first, it is my pleasure and privilege to respond on behalf of the bridesmaids.
And on their behalf I’d like to thank John for his kind words and gifts. I have to say that they
both look wonderful and have done an excellent job today. I would also like to thank the
Ushers who have been a great help in ensuring that the day has run as smoothly as possible.
I’m sure you will all agree that Jane is looking absolutely stunning, and Andy, well you just
look absolutely stunned.
Don’t worry my speech won’t take too long today, because of my throat. Jane has
threatened to cut it if I go on for too long. And John has threatened to cut it if I mention
anything about the stag weekend in Dublin.
John was born in ______________ [Grooms D.O.B], and I had a quick look on the Internet to see
what other events took place that year.___________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
_________[events that took place in the year the Groom was born]. But the main event of____________ [Grooms
D.O.B] was the birth of the world’s first test tube baby, and isn’t he looking well ladies and
gentlemen?
Also, during my research on the internet I also looked into weddings in general, I looked at
the three key elements of the wedding service itself: ‐
The Aisle ‐ it’s the longest walk you’ll ever take
The Alter ‐ the place where two become one
The Hymn ‐ the celebration of marriage
I think Jane must have done the same research as I did, because as she was walking past
me, I’m sure I heard her whisper Aisle…altar…hymn, aisle altar hymn. “I’ll alter him”
[Little known story about the Groom]
Now, I was there the night John met his beautiful new bride. John and myself were in a
certain nightclub down at the beach and it was quite late on in the evening when John
noticed the object of his desire. A vision of beauty: with eyes that sparkled, a warm smile, a
firm bosom and a great pair of legs. So John approached his target and enquired, “May I
have the next dance?” But sadly I turned him down so he went off and danced with Jane
instead.
I’ve come to the conclusion that Best Man is just a fancy title for a Nanny!
As the Nanny I’ve had to ensure that the groom arrives on time, is sober, and looking good.
Well 2 out of 3 isn’t bad. After all, I’m the best man, not a plastic surgeon!
During the service today, I couldn’t help thinking that it’s funny how history repeats itself. I
mean, _______________________[Brides age here] years ago Jane family were sending her to
bed with a dummy and it’s happening again today.
As you have found out by now, a best man’s speech involves a collection of amusing stories
about the groom’s past. Although there are a couple of things that are really not supposed
to be mentioned at weddings, but I shall mention them anyway: ‐
First of all, John drink problem – well the main problem is that he can’t handle his drink.
Mind you his new wife and sister‐in‐law will be able to give him some good training.
And secondly, John ex‐girlfriends – I was warned about the potentially delicate duty of
keeping John Ex’s at bay today. But fortunately Foot and Mouth got rid of most of them two
years ago so no worries there.
So John and Jane you’ve finally got married, for better or for worse, which is quite
appropriate as John couldn’t have done any better and Jane couldn’t have done any worse.
Now what are these you ask yourselves – well they’re John Chastity pants. [Hold up boxer
shorts & padlock] John has been making him wear these for the past four years keeping his
crown jewels securely under lock and key. She thought that only one key had been made.
But rumour has it that copies were made of this key by John & he has been giving these keys
out to various ladies over the past few years without Jane knowing. If anyone out there has
any of these keys could we please have them back in now as John is married and
completely out of bounds to any girl but Jane. [Wait for keys to come back in] You dark
horse Andy! Here’s the rest I collected from over in [Your Country].
Speaking of___________________________ [Your Country]. Unfortunately I am not at liberty to
mention anything about the stag weekend, other than to say that the entertainment was
ravishing.
Jane, can I ask you to place your right hand on the table. John, can you place your right hand
on top of Jane right hand. Jane can you place your left hand on top and John can you place
your left hand on top of that. Make the most of it John, it’s the last time you are going to
have the upper hand.
So to finish, can I say best of luck to you both I really am absolutely delighted for both of
you. I hope you have a long and happy future together. And thank you John, it’s been an
honour to be your best man, and I look forward to speaking at your golden wedding
celebrations in________________ [50 years from now].
It now gives me immense pleasure to invite you all to stand and raise your glasses in a toast
to the New Mr & Mrs Smith.
To the happiness, health, wealth and good fortune of the happy couple.

The Complete Best Man Speech Solution

WRITE YOUR OWN UNIQUE BEST MAN SPEECH AND LEARN HOW TO DELIVER IT MASTERFULLY

Do you want to create your own unique best man speech and need some help to pull your ideas together in a logical speech with the polish of a toastmaster? Write a masterful best man speech that will entertain the audience without running the risk of offending anyone in less than 60 minutes.

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, I hope everyone is enjoying this very special day so far. It’s been an emotional day, ……..even the cake is in tiers. I would like to start by thanking John for his kind words on behalf of our lovely bridesmaids [Bridesmaids Names here]. I’m sure you will agree they have carried out their role superbly, I would also like to thank the ushers…… for at turning up sober.

I think you will all agree Jane looks one in a million today. And John you look smashing also. Even though it’s plainly obvious that you’ve copied my outfit. For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Brent. And I have the honour of being best man. And it is a great honour, but in all honesty I am actually a little nervous doing this, but I feel a bit comforted by the fact I have actually rehearsed this speech in front of a live audience at the local old people’s home, … I think it went well, they all pissed themselves anyway.

I’d also like to congratulate John on a truly magnificent speech, I always knew it would be hard to follow, and I was right, I could hardly follow a word of it. During the service today I couldn’t help thinking its funny how history repeats itself, I meanit was [Brides age here] years ago __________________________[Brides parents names here] were sending their daughter to bed with a dummy………and it’s happening all over again today. I have known John for ___________________[how long known Groom] years, he has always loved sport especially football, from an early age it was obvious he was a natural defender, he loved to get stuck in. It’s a shame he hasn’t carried that over to his working life, John work mates have started calling him god at work because they never see him, ….and if he ever does any work it’s a miracle.

Now John has always taken great pride in his appearance, some people have even said he is vain, I never believed this, until the morning we got to the airport to fly off for his stag weekend, he seemed to have a glow about him, all the boys were asking him if he had been using tanning lotion? John denied it profusely. After another pint and a lot of abuse he tried to fob us off with the excuse that he was in such a rush when he got up, that in his haste he had mistakenly put Jane moisturiser on which had tanning in it, sufficed to say he was set upon then until he finally admitted that he bought the stuff himself. I just don’t know how he thought he would get away with it, it was snowing for the whole week before.

I thought I had better find out some interesting events that happened on the day he was hatched. He was born on the _____________ [Grooms D.O.B] which was a Sunday, number one in the charts was Elvis with ‘way down’, now the only other event I found of any importance in this month was the introduction of free family planning. Now I wouldn’t say John was an ugly baby, but _________________________[Grooms Mums name] only had morning sickness after he was born. He was a slightly slow starter as well, at playschool he was different from the other 5 year olds, he was 11. I remember one day sitting in pizza hut, when the waiter asked if he would like his pizza cut into 4 or 8 pieces, John reply was . . . . “You better make it because I’ll never manage 8.” We have always been close, when we were young we would always be playing something driving our respective parents mad, I remember when Ghostbusters the film was at the cinema, we would be upstairs at _____________________ [Grooms parents names here] with all the lights out jumping around like a couple of lunatics pretending to be catching ghosts, our equipment for this was a school backpack and a wire coat hanger each. Well I have a present,……….something you can play with later.…………….. One of my last duties before I toast the happy couple is to read a few cards…… To John and Jane, hope you have a wonderful day, sorry we can’t be there lots of love…___________________ [friends name here] I would like to say best of luck to the two of you , I really am absolutely delighted for both of you. I hope you have a long and happy future together.

It now gives me immense pleasure, not to mention relief to invite you all to stand and raise your glasses to the new Mr & Mrs _____________________[Grooms last Name].. To John and Jan

The Complete Best Man Speech Solution

WRITE YOUR OWN UNIQUE BEST MAN SPEECH AND LEARN HOW TO DELIVER IT MASTERFULLY

Do you want to create your own unique best man speech and need some help to pull your ideas together in a logical speech with the polish of a toastmaster? Write a masterful best man speech that will entertain the audience without running the risk of offending anyone in less than 60 minutes.

When John asked me to be Best Man, I honestly felt very honoured. And in typical Brent fashion for avoiding responsibility, I succumbed to saying to him that I felt that the role may be better suited to one of the other guys. A couple of days later, John phoned me and admitted that I was in fact the best of a bad bunch. I was understandably a little offended at this and I told him that I was certainly not a man that could be bought. So to avoid confrontation, he offered to pay for my suit, hotel room, and offer as much food and wine that I could swallow.

So ladies and gentlemen, good afternoon. My name is Brent and it is my absolute pleasure, and honour to be the Best Man today. According to protocol, my first speech duty is to ensure certain people are thanked for their part in the wedding day. I’d like to start with a couple of people, who quite frankly have had it fairly easy today. All they have really had to do is stand around pouting and looking pretty. But it is worth saying that that they have spent a lot of time on their hair, make‐up and outfits…and without them, the day just wouldn’t have been complete. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Ushers, _______________________[ushers names here]. Next, on behalf of the Bridesmaids, I would like to thank John for his kind words and gift. ______________________________________[Bridesmaids names here], you both look wonderful and have done an excellent job today. I’m sure you’ll be the subject of much unwanted attentions before the night is through. I’d like to apologise in advance.

Best Mans speech tradition now dictates that I should recount stories about John which are not only informative to the audience, but also may cause John a little discomfort. This part of my speech preparation was surprisingly easy, and John friends and family have been falling over themselves to furnish me with useful information. So, without further ado, I have a collection of wonderful stories to recount to you today. My first story is entitled…

The Seating Plan You will probably not be aware that John & Jane had great trouble over the seating plan. Fortunately, Bren gave the room layout some serious thought and took the weight of the decision away from Jane as any supportive partner should do. What Jane doesn’t know is that John decided the seating according to present cost, so the more expensive the present, the closer the person would be seated to the front. So I hope you at the back heard John when he thanked you for the tea spoons during his speech! My next story title is…

The Relationship Guru. Having known John for [number of years you’ve known Groom] years, some of you may know that I have been a huge support to him in his quest to find the right woman. In fact, John often referred to me as his ‘Relationship Guru’. I have to say that due to my expertise in the area of relationships, John has remained single for many of the [number of years known the Groom] years that we have been friends, and for that, I would like to apologise to you John. You see, during those years that John and I shared…as single, attractive and wealthy men…we knew things were getting bad when our married friends started to treat us like a couple! The extent of this can be truly demonstrated by the fact that we are very proud parents to…___________________________________[choose an animal or other relationship here. Like God parents]

My next story title is… John Special Relationships’ He’s not had it all bad. He had a relationship beautiful relationship with Stella, which sadly ended soon after he met Jane. Stella Artois has delivered many entertaining evenings for myself, and the lads, when out on the town with John. Over the years, it is fair to say that John has proven himself as a skilful drinker. I think I can only recall two occasions when he has actually spilled a drink… On the first occasion, he claimed that the spillage was only due to the fact that he was wearing cowboy boots on a wet dance floor. The amount of Stella in his system was not cited as one of the factors in his beer spillage. On the second occasion, we were in Windsor when John found himself having trouble multitasking…that is ‘standing’ whilst ‘holding a pint’. As a solution, he decided to lean up against the door frame of the Bar so he could take his mind off his balance and focus on the pint. Sadly, he then fell asleep…standing up…with pint in hand. Amazed at this feat of drinking prowess, he soon drew quite a crowd, and bets were being placed as to when the pint would leave his sleeping hand. Predictably, the beer spillage eventually took place as the pint came crashing to the floor. John immediately awoke from his slumber, surrounded by his admiring fans, and pretended that he knew nothing about the where the pint had come from, or who had smashed the glass.

My next story title is… John the Sports Man’ Briefly moving away from the subject of alcohol, for those that truly know John, and as Jane has discovered, John is an avid sports man. To demonstrate the extent of this, I’d like to first ask the room if there are any Simpson’s fans here today?… OK, you will therefore appreciate the effort and dedication involved in the correct planning of a lounge environment, where physical movement is minimised when watching Sports on television. In fact, those of you that have been lucky enough to have stayed with John Parents, _______________________ [Grooms parents names here], will realise that John skill in lounge planning has been learned from his dedicated Sports Watching Father. Jane, I am sure you appreciate that you are a very lucky woman.

And finally, my last story is entitled… John and Travel’ John adores travel. This is demonstrated by the incredible holidays John and I used to take regularly during our single years. For those that don’t know about this, the holidays were based entirely on a pair of John old, and somewhat worn out boots. During one evening of good food and wine, our creative brains came together, and the boots became ‘The Boots of Destiny’. It is on one particular journey with these infamous boots that the power of the John snore really first came to my attention. During our Silver Boot Challenge, we had arrived on the __________________________ [location of a trip made together]. As the light went out, the first snore began. Initially thinking he was joking, I was horrified to find that he was indeed asleep. Fortunately the room was small enough for me to kick him without having to get out of bed…and really, that’s how I spent the rest of the night. Jane, you may of course not have been aware of the John Snore, so I do apologise for breaking the news to you on your wedding day.

In fact, I’m afraid I have some more bad news for you. Just before the speeches started, I received news that your holiday company have cancelled your honeymoon. It seems the airline heard about John snore, and didn’t want to risk upsetting passengers on such a long flight. Now, coming towards the end of my speech, it is customary for me to offer the happy couple some words of wisdom. So… To Jane… Remember that men are like a fine wine… They start out like grapes… And it is your job to stamp on them in the dark until they turn into something you would like to have dinner with. To John… By coincidence, women too are like a fine wine… They start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind… And then they turn full bodied with age, and eventually give you a splitting headache! Now we just have a couple of Telegrams that have arrived…

Dear John, congratulations on getting married, and also on winning our big spender of the month award! Lots of love from the dancers at Angels Gentleman’s Club. John, Best of luck on your wedding day, and have a wonderful honeymoon. Sorry I cannot be there for your big day. But I’ll never forget you, or the great night that we had. Sadly, I now must return to my Russian homeland. Lots of love Anna from the Stag night.

On a serious note for a moment… John, we’ve had some excellent times together over the years, and I know we will continue to do so in the future. You have been a fantastic friend to me…much better than the other lads…and it really is a great honour to be your Best Man today. I wish you and Jane every happiness for the future… And on that note, ladies and gentlemen, could I ask you to stand with me, and raise your glasses in a toast to John and Jane, the new Mr & Mrs Smith We wish you well for the future

The Complete Best Man Speech Solution

WRITE YOUR OWN UNIQUE BEST MAN SPEECH AND LEARN HOW TO DELIVER IT MASTERFULLY

Do you want to create your own unique best man speech and need some help to pull your ideas together in a logical speech with the polish of a toastmaster? Write a masterful best man speech that will entertain the audience without running the risk of offending anyone in less than 60 minutes.

When John asked me to be Best Man, I honestly felt very honoured. And in typical Brent fashion for avoiding responsibility, I succumbed to saying to him that I felt that the role may be better suited to one of the other guys. A couple of days later, John phoned me and admitted that I was in fact the best of a bad bunch. I was understandably a little offended at this and I told him that I was certainly not a man that could be bought. So to avoid confrontation, he offered to pay for my suit, hotel room, and offer as much food and wine that I could swallow.

So ladies and gentlemen, good afternoon. My name is Brent and it is my absolute pleasure, and honour to be the Best Man today. According to protocol, my first speech duty is to ensure certain people are thanked for their part in the wedding day. I’d like to start with a couple of people, who quite frankly have had it fairly easy today. All they have really had to do is stand around pouting and looking pretty. But it is worth saying that that they have spent a lot of time on their hair, make‐up and outfits…and without them, the day just wouldn’t have been complete. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Ushers, _______________________[ushers names here]. Next, on behalf of the Bridesmaids, I would like to thank John for his kind words and gift. ______________________________________[Bridesmaids names here], you both look wonderful and have done an excellent job today. I’m sure you’ll be the subject of much unwanted attentions before the night is through. I’d like to apologise in advance.

Best Mans speech tradition now dictates that I should recount stories about John which are not only informative to the audience, but also may cause John a little discomfort. This part of my speech preparation was surprisingly easy, and John friends and family have been falling over themselves to furnish me with useful information. So, without further ado, I have a collection of wonderful stories to recount to you today. My first story is entitled…

The Seating Plan You will probably not be aware that John & Jane had great trouble over the seating plan. Fortunately, Bren gave the room layout some serious thought and took the weight of the decision away from Jane as any supportive partner should do. What Jane doesn’t know is that John decided the seating according to present cost, so the more expensive the present, the closer the person would be seated to the front. So I hope you at the back heard John when he thanked you for the tea spoons during his speech! My next story title is…

The Relationship Guru. Having known John for [number of years you’ve known Groom] years, some of you may know that I have been a huge support to him in his quest to find the right woman. In fact, John often referred to me as his ‘Relationship Guru’. I have to say that due to my expertise in the area of relationships, John has remained single for many of the [number of years known the Groom] years that we have been friends, and for that, I would like to apologise to you John. You see, during those years that John and I shared…as single, attractive and wealthy men…we knew things were getting bad when our married friends started to treat us like a couple! The extent of this can be truly demonstrated by the fact that we are very proud parents to…___________________________________[choose an animal or other relationship here. Like God parents]

My next story title is… John Special Relationships’ He’s not had it all bad. He had a relationship beautiful relationship with Stella, which sadly ended soon after he met Jane. Stella Artois has delivered many entertaining evenings for myself, and the lads, when out on the town with John. Over the years, it is fair to say that John has proven himself as a skilful drinker. I think I can only recall two occasions when he has actually spilled a drink… On the first occasion, he claimed that the spillage was only due to the fact that he was wearing cowboy boots on a wet dance floor. The amount of Stella in his system was not cited as one of the factors in his beer spillage. On the second occasion, we were in Windsor when John found himself having trouble multitasking…that is ‘standing’ whilst ‘holding a pint’. As a solution, he decided to lean up against the door frame of the Bar so he could take his mind off his balance and focus on the pint. Sadly, he then fell asleep…standing up…with pint in hand. Amazed at this feat of drinking prowess, he soon drew quite a crowd, and bets were being placed as to when the pint would leave his sleeping hand. Predictably, the beer spillage eventually took place as the pint came crashing to the floor. John immediately awoke from his slumber, surrounded by his admiring fans, and pretended that he knew nothing about the where the pint had come from, or who had smashed the glass.

My next story title is… John the Sports Man’ Briefly moving away from the subject of alcohol, for those that truly know John, and as Jane has discovered, John is an avid sports man. To demonstrate the extent of this, I’d like to first ask the room if there are any Simpson’s fans here today?… OK, you will therefore appreciate the effort and dedication involved in the correct planning of a lounge environment, where physical movement is minimised when watching Sports on television. In fact, those of you that have been lucky enough to have stayed with John Parents, _______________________ [Grooms parents names here], will realise that John skill in lounge planning has been learned from his dedicated Sports Watching Father. Jane, I am sure you appreciate that you are a very lucky woman.

And finally, my last story is entitled… John and Travel’ John adores travel. This is demonstrated by the incredible holidays John and I used to take regularly during our single years. For those that don’t know about this, the holidays were based entirely on a pair of John old, and somewhat worn out boots. During one evening of good food and wine, our creative brains came together, and the boots became ‘The Boots of Destiny’. It is on one particular journey with these infamous boots that the power of the John snore really first came to my attention. During our Silver Boot Challenge, we had arrived on the __________________________ [location of a trip made together]. As the light went out, the first snore began. Initially thinking he was joking, I was horrified to find that he was indeed asleep. Fortunately the room was small enough for me to kick him without having to get out of bed…and really, that’s how I spent the rest of the night. Jane, you may of course not have been aware of the John Snore, so I do apologise for breaking the news to you on your wedding day.

In fact, I’m afraid I have some more bad news for you. Just before the speeches started, I received news that your holiday company have cancelled your honeymoon. It seems the airline heard about John snore, and didn’t want to risk upsetting passengers on such a long flight. Now, coming towards the end of my speech, it is customary for me to offer the happy couple some words of wisdom. So… To Jane… Remember that men are like a fine wine… They start out like grapes… And it is your job to stamp on them in the dark until they turn into something you would like to have dinner with. To John… By coincidence, women too are like a fine wine… They start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind… And then they turn full bodied with age, and eventually give you a splitting headache! Now we just have a couple of Telegrams that have arrived…

Dear John, congratulations on getting married, and also on winning our big spender of the month award! Lots of love from the dancers at Angels Gentleman’s Club. John, Best of luck on your wedding day, and have a wonderful honeymoon. Sorry I cannot be there for your big day. But I’ll never forget you, or the great night that we had. Sadly, I now must return to my Russian homeland. Lots of love Anna from the Stag night.

On a serious note for a moment… John, we’ve had some excellent times together over the years, and I know we will continue to do so in the future. You have been a fantastic friend to me…much better than the other lads…and it really is a great honour to be your Best Man today. I wish you and Jane every happiness for the future… And on that note, ladies and gentlemen, could I ask you to stand with me, and raise your glasses in a toast to John and Jane, the new Mr & Mrs Smith We wish you well for the future.